Salmon Pastas

Ingredients:

• 1 generous slug olive oil
• 3 large shallots finely chopped

(Feel free to have a good cry while you’re doing this — nobody will judge)

• 4 cloves of garlic finely chopped
• 1 bottle of New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc

(Why specifically “New Zealand” Sauvignon Blanc? Because I’m from New Zealand, it’s my recipe, and I say so. Also it’s generally excellent.)

• zest and juice of 2 lemons
• 1/2 cup heavy cream
• 2 cups grated Parmesan cheese
• 1 tablespoon of dill (fresh or freeze dried)
• 8 oz smoked salmon broken up into small pieces
• 12 oz green peas steamed

(I’m an unashamed enthusiast for the steam in the bag kind)

• 18 oz fresh fettuccine

(I tend to cut the pasta in half to make shorter strands, but this is not obligatory)

Question: Why is this recipe so big?

Due to a number of highly questionable life choices your humble correspondent has fathered a plethora of kids. This is their favorite dish, so I make a lot. Feel free to halve the recipe. I haven’t tested, but I’m pretty sure it would work just fine.

Question: What’s with the babytalkish name ?

See aforementioned life choices.

Instructions:

1. Complete all the chopping, grating, zesting, juicing and breaking up before you even look at the stove (PPPPPP — Preparation and Planning Prevent Piss Poor Performance)
2. Put a large pot of well salted water on the stove to boil (seriously, use a large pot, if you pasta sticks together you aren’t cooking it in enough water)
3. In a large pan, heat a generous slug oil over medium-high heat then add shallots and saute until they are soft
4. Reduce to medium heat and add the garlic and saute for a couple of minutes until garlic is cooked (do not burn the garlic — burnt garlic is not cool)
5. Add the New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc and stir occasionally until liquid reduces by half
6. Pour yourself a glass of the aforementioned New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc (Life is short, the bottle is already open, and if cooking isn’t fun you’re not doing it right)
7. If you happen to be using the steam in the bag type peas it might be a good idea to chuck those in the microwave
8. Once wine has reduced by half (in the pan, not your glass) stir in the lemon juice
9. This is generally a good time to dump the fresh fettuccine in your hopefully boiling water
10. Reduce heat and stir in the cream
11. Add the Parmesan cheese a little at a time, stirring as you go
12. Once you have a smooth sauce with all the cheese fully incorporated add the zest and dill
13. If all is running to plan this will be the exact moment at which your pasta will be done — drain the pasta
14. Pour sauce, smoked salmon and peas into the drained pasta and mix thoroughly until pasta is coated and salmon and peas are evenly distributed
15. Bon appétit

“I enjoy cooking with wine, sometimes I even put it in the food” — Julia Child or W. C. Fields or somebody else